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LOVE AND MARRIAGE IN TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES

Love is in the air, but nothing breaks Cupid’s bow like an argument over money. And considering today’s economic environment with job losses skyrocketing and personal savings dwindling, there is a lot of stress surrounding money at home. Money problems can start even before the “I do’s” are pronounced. During the courtship phase of a relationship the sky’s the limit. Going into debt to pay for candy, flowers, and meals at the finest restaurants seems worth it. As things progress so does the price-tag; culminating with an engagement ring, elaborate wedding ceremony, and a honeymoon to an exotic island. Life is good… at least until the bills start arriving. Troubles with money cause more divorce in this country than anything else. “We see that money troubles arise not from a lack of money, but from dishonesty,” said Tim Robbins, Director of Counseling for Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Montana. “ One spouse or the other, or perhaps both, are not honest in what they are spending. This erodes at the trust that is fundamental to any relationship”. Consumer Credit Counseling Service recommends that this Valentine’s Day couples should give each other the gift of financial openness. Take a deep breath and have a serious conversation surrounding money. “The fact of the matter is that people bring financial baggage into a relationship and often don’t deal with it until problems arise. Perhaps that baggage comes in the form of a poor credit rating, significant debt, or no experience managing money. Regardless of the issue, the time to address money differences is up front, before the financial bottom falls out” said (Branch Director). Consumer Credit Counseling Services recommends the following Do’s and Don’ts of that much-needed financial conversation:

  • Do be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south continuing the same lifestyle that was possible before the loss of income is simply unrealistic.
  • Do be open to changing your lifestyle. If spending cutbacks or second jobs are necessary it is likely temporary and worth the adjustment.
  • Don’t approach the subject in the heat of battle. Set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both parties.
  • Do make it a casual conversation about a serious subject. Respect the fact that each person has valid opinions and concerns
  • Do probe to understand long-held financial attitudes often present since childhood and ingrained by observing how parents addressed money issues.
  • Do acknowledge that one may be a saver and one a spender. Understand that there are benefits to both and agreeing to learn from each other’s tendencies.
  • Don’t hide income or debt. This is known as financial infidelity. Bring financial documents including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table. • Don’t point the finger of blame. That’s a real conversation stopper.
  • Do discuss any legal documents you need to establish or change such as a will.
  • Do construct a joint budget that includes savings. In tough times when every cent counts your savings is even more critical.
  • Do decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills. It is likely that one person will be a good fit for this task while the other finds it burdensome.
  • Do allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
  • Do decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It’s ok to have individual goals but you should have family goals too.
  • Do talk about loaning money to family members and friends. Decide if it’s something you’re each comfortable with.
  • Do talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if necessary.


There is not one perfect way to handle money in a relationship. In Montana, usually both parties work and bring home income. Many find that combining the money together and working in unison to handle the finances works best. Others take a “yours, mine, and ours” approach. Either way can be successful, but the key is to be fair and honest in all of your financial dealings as a couple. For professional assistance bringing two incomes, two lifestyles and two financial attitudes together, or for help in working through financial problems that have never been addressed consider an appointment with a certified consumer credit counselor at Consumer Credit Counseling Service.